My heart breaks...

I have been reading more on the blogs of the Compassion International trip to Uganda. There are 15 bloggers and I have only visited 2 blogs so far. It is breaking my heart.

This is from Shannon at http://rocksinmydryer.typepad.com/

I was taken to the home of Annette, a woman who fries plantains on an open pit, and she sells them to passersby. She is a single mom of five children, one of whom (Caroline) is enrolled in the Compassion program at Deliverance church. Annette proudly showed us her little business, and then she took us down a crooked maze of alleyways to her home.
Her home was simply a room, about six feet by eight feet. For her family of six. Beds were somehow bunked along the dank stone walls, and clean clothes hung from the ceiling. There was room for a small table, where she kept her savings in a wood box. The room was dark and dusty, and there was the unmistakable smell of many people living in tight quarters, yet things were very tidy. A red jute rug lay on the floor. With the help of an interpreter, I complimented her on how neat her home was.
I asked her if it was hard raising five children alone. She sadly nodded. "Yes," she said. "It is very hard." I asked her if our team could pray with her. She said she would like that very much. Anne and I took her hands, and the rest of our group did their best to crowd in the small room. I prayed aloud, pausing for the interpreter. And I will tell you, in all honestly, that my own words (even my words offered in prayer) felt empty.
I know that He is the God of the universe. I do not doubt that He sees Annette, and loves her, and I don't even doubt that suffering can exist as part of His divine plan.
But there is so much need. So much to be done. Maybe He just wants to kick all of us in the pants to get off our duff and do something.

And this:

This little boy especially caught my eye. He didn’t have a backpack; he carried his books in a yellow grocery sack, with the handles wrapped around his shoulders:

(How many backpacks do yours and my children have?)


There are other stories and they will continue all week. I have looked at the Compassion International website and I have prayed. I worry like anyone else--does the money really get to them? Is there something else I should be doing instead? How can you possibly look at faces of over 2000 of these children and choose one?? But this is breaking my heart, just like when I first heard about Operation Christmas Child.

I know that places like this exist. People actually live like this and worse. The world has some terrible terrible things all over it. I KNOW this. But I don't think about it. I don't see it. I turn away or change the channel when it is on TV. I am so wrapped up in my own little world that I ignore it.

This morning when I was reading Shannon's post I cried. And I thanked God for all that I have. I even said I am sorry. For what--I don't know. For having it? For being ungrateful? I am NOT ungrateful. I am SO thankful. Every day I thank God for the many many blessings I have. I don't understand it. I wonder why? Why am I so blessed?

I woke up this morning and so did all my children (in our 4 bedroom house). I fought with K over taking her medicine for an ear infection. I was able to take her immediately to the doctor yesterday and get medicine rather then see her in pain. I was able to feed my children breakfast and send them to a good school. I drove in my car (one of 2 parked in my driveway) to pick K up at school and while I was there I spent 14$ on books at the Book Fair.

I cannot imagine the things that Shannon and Sophie are seeing. I cannot imagine living in a room the size of my bathroom. I cannot imagine not being able to feed my children or take them to the doctor. Not having books to read them or toys for them to play with or clothes to wear or medicine to give them. To not have the hope of them having a good future and a nice life.

We are all so spoiled. Yes, I have my concerns and worries but they are not like these stories. Being a mom is what makes it all hurt my heart so much. And that is why I actually told God I am sorry. But IMMEDIATELY I heard HIM tell me not to be sorry or feel guilty for what I have, but to USE it instead.

OK!! So now I pray:

God, please show me what You want me to do to help someone in circumstances that I cannot imagine. Help me to always have this feeling, this compassion, the love for others. Please help me to always remember to be thankful for ALL I have and teach my children to be thankful and content and also compassionate--to show Your love to as many as we can. Lord, thank You for the people who are sharing these stories and helping these people. Please let me also get the word out to a few more people who want to help. Help us all to not turn away, not forget, to get up and DO something! In Jesus' name...Amen!